i love my father although sometimes i really hate what he did. the gap between me and my father is getting farther, i think. that's what i feel these days. i don't know anything that could bring that gap closer. sometimes i think that we are two separate persons who are not even connected. what's left of him to me is that he's the fact is my father. other than that, i can't tell. yesterday was really made me quite exploded. i feel like so cheap by his action. that was so stupid.

pity mum. i always make her sad. i'm sorry, truly sorry but maybe i'm weak like dad too. there's one thing i want for this return. don't pick me up. i don't want to. also i'd like to inform that i might not stay at home for long. i want to travel. i don't want to stuck at home, which is so bored that drives me mad sometimes. i know that there's no reason for me to think like that but what i want to tell is that i tend to feel pissed off when i don't get what i want. and why the hell eveything at home was the same or i could say worse? isn't there any happy or good news to be shared?

maybe all of you don't expect what misery that i could bring. i could say, frustration would drive everybody mad. one by one will go down. and why should i get into this situation? isn't that enough miserability we had? i'm sorry because my good minds weren't with you guys. i just go home, see your faces and i don't know what i'll be doing next. seriously, i don't feel like staying at home for long.