IT'S SAD THAT I'M ALREADY DEAD ALTHOUGH I'M STILL BREATHING.

i already made a decision to go home this july. 2nd of july to be exact. flying with MAS, i hope and with hasnor, a malaysian buddy here. good lord, april is almost come to the end. i just wanna this semester to be over in a blink but who am i to challenge God's power in time setting. not faster or slower even for a second. Subhanallah. i just finished my third heat exam and i hope, for the third time, i could pass this course so that i don't have to repeat it. what have i done? well, just wait for the grade to turn up. then, i 'll think what i'll do.

this june, i want to complete all the undone assignments of asian-american literature and ethics. luckily hasnor is also taking ethics. so, i could seek help from him in writing those essays. and, for the literature, thanks to farah's file. i hope i could finish all the assignments within a month period. i don't have time at all for all this. i think, although it's horrible, for the sake of not failing, just do it.

when i look back to my mood today, i am not in angry or lost mood. hey, that's good! but wait until the lab time. i hope i just prepare the solution this time. or, whatever easy jobs that i could do. although the lab is not that difficult (i don't know yet!), i think i'll do whatever task that could be allocated to each person for three-member group. i just want to complete the lab today ASAP because i want to go home and sleep .tomorrow, i'll have class at eight and i have to attend this class. stop skipping class for now, although the 4102 recitation seems kinda uncomfortable to sit in. oh goodness, if life could be easier for me.

i am a good guy. i should end up good.

today, i keep listening to the soong sisters main theme song. it was composed by kitaro. for hours and hours i keep listening to it. look what the sound could change the mood or tone of my day. i like the way the orchestral instruments sounds, espescially violin and flute. or, other eastern traditional instrument. it is me and i really could feel it. the passion, the struggle and the sacrifice that either jeopardize or make somebody free. kitaro really catches the mood of the entire story. thumbs up to him.

when i watched the soong sisters film, my feeling towards my family can't be kept inside. i'm so longing for them that i want to be home to see their faces, one by one. today, a bad news just struck me although not that hard. my eldest sister lost her pregnancy due to high blood pressure. i'm so sad hearing this news. she had done her best up to the eight month of pregnancy. but who can say no to what God has already prescribed? this is her thid time losing her child, second for pregnancy. i hope she's OK. i don't want to loose a sister, the one who really, really close to me since the day i was born.

what i'm gonna do tomorrow? what could i say. i have lab on wednesday hich i need to complete. i still don't finish my lab report which is due in wednesday. this is suck. i need to do something about this. i'm quite difficult in writing the things like this. oh my God, help me please. tomorrow, i think we're going to complete the quiz which is still not complete yesterday. i need to read the example problem before i go to the class tomorrow. oh, there's also HW which id due on thursday, friday (2). this weekend? hmmm....i wanna go shopping or window shopping. at least go out from this dinkytown area. arrrrggghhhhh......finish what should be finished first. and life will be going on as usual. welcome, morning.

hari ni tak berubah dari semalam. so, mengikut pendapat ulama, hancur la aku ni. mmg begitu la keadaannya. aku spent weekend kat rumah hasnor. sekurang-kurangnya ada la benda yg nak dicakapkan. today, i had kinetics examn which i was not enthusiastically taking it.what the fuck anyway. blank and miserable, that was how i could describe myself at that time. i didn't study for it anyway. no pain no gain. miraculously, it's true.

stop talking about exam and the other class bullshits. i am confirmed to return home this summer. for pleasure purposes, of course. although at first i planned to take early flight with zaza and izham, but i changed my mind when hasnor came to suggest that we sould spend a bit of summer here and for more important reason for him is to manage his moving out job. since i could go home with him and why do i spend 3 months in malaysia anyway attitude, i agreed to take the saem flight with him. since we can't stop in LA (fuck off!), we just take a continous flight from MSP to KUL, with a few transits. therefore, that one is settled.

HW: all courses have workloads to be done. feel like doing it? nay, feel like copying others. what the fuck am i doing here? first objective? who give a fuck anyway...
at the time like this, i feel like having sex or got drunk, the two things that i have to avoid. religious reason. thank god, i could still control myself from doing those. thank god. thanks a lot. so, how bad i feel, still i could control myself. where the hell i learn that? who knows? what the fuck to do with it? for my own purposes, of course.

anyone watched six feet under or queer as folk? the former kind like family life, crisis or what the heck happening in an american family. not mine, so i don't give a fuck anyway. QAF? yikes, what the fuck is that! this is far more horrible than lalat's male-male bonding. so, to lalat, your male-male bonding is not reaching that level yet. p/s: take care of yourself. to amilin: what the fuck is that? men having sex? luckily we are in america where samsurin welch is already out of the closet. hish...download other shows OK? kidding. who give a fuck anyway, right?

i enjoy writing like this. seriously. but too self-centered. what about others i need to tell? later, when i mix around, hahaha. any thought for today? thank god in today's world i'm not enslaved by people. the gift as a free man really change the humanity. a simple thought but powerful impact. but why still men are not giving a fuck? because people who don't think is stupid!

AND, WHO GIVE A FUCK ANYWAY?